sunday, 26th november 2006

(around) 2:00 AM

slowly i open my eyes as i place my mobile right in front of my face. is it a call or an sms? or is it the alarm? my mind tries to figure out as it reluctantly drifts into reality from deep slumber. years of familiarity makes me press the 'reply' button while my mind is still deducing whats all the ringing for.

'hello' my spontaneous response to the call.
[the other person:] 'hello f... '

by now, i am much more awake and clearly recognize my elder brother's voice.

'boro vaiya, assalamualaikum' (salam brother) a long distance call at this odd hour is not something normal. i feel my thoughts setting off into action as i reply him.
'unn, adha gonta agey annana mara giye....' (listen, our grandpa passed away half an hour back)


it is 02:11 AM, i notice.
within a minute i am back in bed. its only now i slowly start feeling the news absorbing into myself. all sorts of thoughts come flying across the head.

how is he doing now? will i meet him again in hereafter?

where is he now? where will i reach when its my time to depart.

85 (or so) years of living and all it takes is a single breath to reduce it to memory.

=== this is another incident, totally unrelated to the previous ===

(around) 2:00 PM

i look back to see him lying on the road.
just moments ago, we two were cycling down hill, when i suddenly saw ourselves heading into each other. in desperate attempt to avoid him crashing into me, i managed to turn away; only to hear him crashing onto a pole a split second later.

i am relieved to find myself unscratched. rushing to him, i see blood gushing out of his nose; and immediately i know something is seriously wrong.

a minute later i notice he hit his head quite hard. 'is his memory alright?' - the first thing i think of. (all those sleepless nights watching movies finally paid off !)
'wats my name?'
'where are we?'
'what day is it today?'
- 'give me some time' he repliesto this. he answered the prev two correctly.
sensing danger, i call for help, and in ten minutes we are heading for the hospital.

we continue with his interrogation, while we wait his turn to be attended to. (p.s. hospital service here is damn slow. in fact damn bloody slow!) it turns out he only has memory of a minute or so. (its called brain concussion.) there is a spitting pot next to him and everytime he spits, he asks if the pot is for spitting. its just like watching a one minute video in continous loop.

as i watch him, my head questions : 'how weak and vulnerable we human are?'
a simple hit on the head and you are no longer yourself.
it could hav easily happened that his 29 years of learning, knowledge and experience - all gone just like that. vanished. obliterated. completely wiped out. all those memory, things he had known since the crawling childhood, or those complex mathematical and engineering equations that took years to be ingrained into the brain. every single thing reformatted with a wink.
what if that happens ... to me? or to you?



death is number one on the list of things encircling my head lately. it all started with youtubing around. this brought me to the video of Feher's death on field (that fateful football player who died on the field in 2004). since then the thought of death has been playing in the background of my mind, as i continue to travel day to day through this temporal life. i know well enough, one day i would also hv to go. leaving this abode for another world, a world unknown to any of us.

believers in faith believe in hereafter while some others say that everything stops with the last breath. whatever it is, the reality is that everything we are striving for with all our energy and time will be reduced to nothing but a few pieces of inanimate material. all efforts and endeavours to reach newer heights everyday, professionally and personally, will just become dust in a moment of few minutes!!!

sometimes i think, whats the point behind all these. all the struggle to earn a better (more valuable) degree, to reach higher positions, to get a fatter paycheck? the striving for a beautiful wife, nice house, shiny car?? at the end of the day i would be no different from the rickshaw puller who carries me home from work, or the lady who works in my house (5 hrs a day, 30 days a month for a mere 500 taka/less than 10 usd).

there has to be something else! some higher goals to strive for rather than just life !! life itself has to be something more than just eating, sleeping and beeing merry !!! otherwise its an equation all gone wrong. an equation way too imabalanced for any student of science to accept.


rusted raster

after a two month long absence from the labyrinth of blogging, this is yet another comeback for me. i am nt sure how justified am i in using the term comeback, for i had never intended to leave in the first place. it was merely circumstance that kept me away. that was a change from the somewhat 'heavy duty' blogging in last summer, a change that i hope is for the better.

its for others to judge, but i feel i hv trasformed much in this short span of two months. these days, i am at school 9-9 (more or less) most of the time. now thats a mammoth change for someone like me (who had no relation with books until two weeks prior to exams). (p.s. NO! i hv nt fallen in love! [in case you are wondering]).

so here am i, welcoming myself back to the blogging duniya. in the meantime here are some youtubies i had been obsessed with recently. take a peek, if u care.